Leading Through Benevolent Brainwashing

Consistency Is the Key to Bringing Out the Best in Those We Lead:

When we’re in a position of leadership in a company, an organization, or even in raising our children there’s one philosophy we must master if we expect to truly be successful: we must be consistent. No matter how much we know about the field we’re leading in, people will never give us their full trust, attention, or effort if we are constantly inconsistent with what we expect from them. When the goals keep changing, they begin to feel they can never win, because what “winning” looks like is always shifting. Eventually, they disengage or, in the workplace, they find somewhere else where winning is clearly defined, fair, and consistent.

Simply put: if the goal is unclear and the rules keep changing, it becomes impossible to play the game.

Consistency setting clear rules, goals, and expectations that don’t change based on mood, pressure, or circumstance — is the foundation for accomplishing extraordinary things with a team. And especially with children, it becomes one of the greatest gifts we can give them as they grow into the best versions of themselves.

Part of building this consistency, both at home and in the workplace, is being intentional about the language we use, the phrases we repeat, and the stories we tell. One of the tools we used while raising our family is what I came to describe as “benevolent brainwashing.” The term often carries a negative connotation, but that’s not what this is about.

Webster’s New World Dictionary defines “brainwashing” as “the application of concentrated means of persuasion or repeated suggestion in order to develop a specific belief or motivation.” Benevolent brainwashing is the purposeful, positive use of repetition to influence strong character, good choices, and disciplined thinking. This approach a core Theory of 5 leadership philosophy helps provide people with an internal set of standards and guidelines they can rely on throughout their lives.

This process started early with our children. One of the statements they heard most often was, “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” They heard it so often that eventually they would finish the sentence before we did. Sometimes it came with an eye roll — but the seed was planted. And today, as adults, the quality of their relationships reflects the quality of those early lessons.

By consistently repeating this and similar messages, our children never had to wonder where we stood or what we expected. On the rare occasions when rules were broken, they understood consequences were coming — and they were never surprised. We were steady. They knew we were firm, but they also knew we were fair and forgiving. Most importantly, they knew we loved them. Even in discipline, they had internalized another phrase we lived by:

“We’re doing this because we care about you. We know it’s best for your future, and we want you to excel at life.”

Did they want to be punished? Of course not.

Did they understand why it was happening? Yes.

They had been “programmed” to recognize the care, purpose, and love behind our actions.

This same approach is powerful in the workplace.

Teams need to know what we expect, why we expect it, and that those expectations are not subject to our emotions or whims. Yes, expectations evolve. Markets change. Competition changes. Companies grow. Goals adjust. But when leadership is consistent, change never feels chaotic. People aren’t spending energy trying to figure out which leader is showing up today. They can put their full focus into winning.

And just like in life, leadership sometimes requires correction. Coaching, accountability, and even discipline are part of the responsibility. These moments should never come out of left field. They should feel like a natural, understood consequence — not an emotional reaction. That’s why the process of benevolent brainwashing begins the moment someone joins the team.

Consistency matters most when situations get difficult. This is where leaders separate themselves from bosses.

A boss explodes. A leader explains.

A boss overlooks some and attacks others. A leader holds the standard.

A boss creates fear. A leader builds trust.

When leaders allow poor behavior to slide in one case and punish it in another, they are teaching a lesson just not the one they intend. Inconsistency is not a leadership style. It is a leadership liability.

Leaders are human. We all have tough days. Our teams understand that. But what they must never question is our steadiness. When leadership stays consistent, teams feel safe. And when people feel safe, they perform at their best.

By staying firm with our rules, clear with our goals, and unwavering in our expectations, benevolent brainwashing becomes a powerful tool for creating dependability, confidence, and exceptional results whether we’re shaping a child’s future or leading a team.

When we are given the honor of leadership, those who live a Theory of 5 lifestyle understand the responsibility